My Love Hotel Experience Is Wrong As Expected
by Estavius
Summary: Hachiman, Yukino, and Yui visit a love hotel while on a club trip. Komachi gets very curious. Not NSFW.


**Apology at the bottom.**

 **Warning: There may be a few hints at things, but this is completely safe for work.**

My Love Hotel Experience Is Wrong As Expected

I grab the familiar handle, shoving the door open wide enough for me to shimmy through.

"Home." I groan, dumping my bags by the door and stumbling to the couch. No one greets me, no one waves, and no one is waiting to welcome me.

Did I perhaps accidentally jump into the future? Is this my life as a house-husband? Will I return to an empty house, awaiting my _hopefully existent_ spouse? Is this emptiness, this void of life; is this what I'll need to grow accustomed with?

That's fine with me.

It just shows that I am the future of the next stage of evolution. Humans are social animals, and they band together to fight off foes and grow prosperous. But in that, they reveal that a single one of them is weak. They're useless without the pack to ride along with. Therefore, as a loner who is always alone, I will have the skills necessarily to mitigate the emptiness around me. For it is one of the 108 skills that a loner must acquire to learn the ways of solitude, and I am the master with a skill level of over 9000.

Yes, loneliness is fine. Solitude, emptiness, isolation, seclusion, that's all acceptable. You might even say that I'm _stronger_ alone. With idiots and riajuu to drag me down, there's no telling how far I might fall. Meanwhile, those imbeciles will grow weak with their complacency. So in the end, those that band together should all die together!

In a fire, if possible.

I hear Kamakura's oh-so-familiar yelps as I throw myself down on the couch. The cat leaps, taking a few seconds to hiss before scampering off to who knows where. It's then when Komachi calls out.

"Onii-chan!" Komachi dashes into the room, smashing the door open.

Why is Komachi in such a rush to get here so quickly?

"Sup."

"How did it go?" Komachi immediately asks.

So she's curious. Why Komachi bothers to think about something as small as a club trip is beyond me, but I suppose I have the obligation to answer.

"I hate public transportation." I mumble.

"Not that!" Komachi exclaims.

"The history museums were boring, and Yukipedia went on forever." I continue.

"Not that!"

What is it that Komachi wants? If she didn't want to hear about my whining or the trip or my complaints or the actual events or my groaning, then what's the point?

"The trip costed more money than expected, but I bought you something anyway. It's in the blue bag, in the smallest pocket." I tell her, assuming the curiosity to be about a _gift_.

It is a tradition of mine to get my most adorable (and only) little sister a gift after all. It's nothing that fancy, just a cheap little colourful bauble of blown glass that resembles less cheap jewelry. Why a museum carries these goods is something I still don't understand, but nonetheless it's something.

"Not that!" Komachi repeats herself for the umpteenth time.

What exactly did Komachi want? What else was there?

"What?"

"How did _your night with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama_ go?"

Oh. That.

"Komachi. We only spent the night in the same room in a love hotel. That's all there was to it." I try to keep my voice calm and tranquil.

Komachi, on the other hand, looks like she'll burst out of her bunny slippers at any moment to throttle me into saying more. Terrifying.

" _Only in the same room in a love hotel he says._ "

"Yes."

Is there anything special about staying in a love hotel with others? Of course Komachi is going to think that way about it, but aren't love hotels really made to draw in those who are too poor to use their own homes? Thus, love hotels are made to bankrupt the poor with tantalizing promises and lovey-dovey preconceptions. As a student who mooches off his parent's house and hopefully a house-husband who performs similarly, I may never need to use a love hotel for its intended purpose.

Going by that truth alone, Yukinoshita is never going to use one again. The _Ice Queen_ is just too good for them. Not that any of us, Yukinoshita, Yuigahama or I are likely to ever be in one again.

"Tell me tell me!" Komachi prods my cheek, as if that adorable action is the key to persuading me.

 _Actually…_ those that do this oddly always get their way. It's a curse, I say! In fact, fingers are never meant to touch others, because that can only spread disease and cause more suffering. Touching other people is a way to pass along germs, filth, and STI's. Although it's mostly the former two, touching people is a bad habit. I'm sure Yurigahama- I mean Yuigayuri- er Yuigahama can learn a lot from that.

"Komachi needs to know if you still have your flower! That… might've been worth a lot of points?"

"No." My flower? I don't remember ever bothering to take care of any of the plants. They always die on me anyway no matter what I do to take care of them. Even plant life hates me; it must be a gift from one of the gods of loneliness.

Then Komachi shrinks back, eyes widening to the size of some mindless anime girl. I stare at her blankly. Maybe Komachi is starting to find the interrogation boring so she's trying to stare me down?

"What?"

I wince as the high-pitched shriek reverberates through my eardrums. Komachi isn't a frequent squealer, nor does she scream often. Is it the low quality of my gift? I start formulating apologies, thinking of one to another then finally deciding on one.

"I'm sorry that-"

"Onii-chan!"

Komachi thrusts her hands onto my shoulders, pushing me down into the couch. Is my little sister this strong? Her grip strength is insane.

"W-what?"

"Tell me everything."

Everything? That sounds like trouble. Talking about every single occurrence throughout a multi-day trip is indeed a pain. Just going by the sheer amount of things to speak of, there's no reward to the risk. It's all pain no gain. This is why a loner is always better off: they don't need to bother about telling their 'friends' anything like this.

But I suppose Komachi isn't someone I can turn down. Though that doesn't mean I can't try to evade the responsibility… right?

"E-e-everything?" I stutter.

That must sound odd. The nervousness from having to recite three day's worth of events must've hit me all at once. Or is it the prick of pain from Kamakura seizing my foot? It's a difficult case to crack, but I think this time, I don't need to use the sleeping dart. That cat never did like the mute pattern of my slippers. What's so irritating about them? Kamakura always… and again, he's doing it again.

"Yes." Komachi sounds almost hollow, soulless even, as if her words are coming from deep desire.

That's a funny thought.

"Tell me everything from the top."

If there's anything I can do to not list out everything, I will do it. Unfortunately, as someone who lives in the same house as me, again Komachi is not someone I can avoid forever.

"Three days ago, we met up at school-"

"Not that!"

Jeez calm down. I don't want to do this either.

"What do you want me to talk about then?" Clarifying things is a must at this point. The well-being of my vocal cords depends on it.

"L-last night. What was it like?" Komachi's cheeks are growing awfully red. Strange, very strange indeed.

"It was rough." I moan. I hate sleeping upright on chairs. It's such a pain because if you start tilting to one side, you wake up from the quick action. In other words, I didn't sleep well.

"S-start a bit earlier…"

"From where?" Exact timestamps please.

"When you got to the station?"

"Alright." If Komachi really wants to know, I'll just have to buckle down and say it.

Come to think of it, this isn't the first time I've done this for Komachi. A little sibling time can't hurt… right?

…

I stared silently at the flashing signals.

"Station CLOSED for Maintenance" or so it said.

Public transportation was truly a menace. On paper, the idea to shove a bunch of corporate slaves into one big jumble of bodies sounded like a good idea, but in practice, the slaves who ran the slave transportation have inevitably messed up.

Of course, delays cropped up, which built up from one station to the next. Before long, a huge backlog of them, like idiots with customer service employees, and the system became downright unbearable. Still, the system was good enough that these delays were rare. Key word being rare; the delays happened anyway, and it was nearly impossible to expect them.

Even this maintenance was tied to the impractical system. This maintenance, from what I've gleaned, was for decreasing the number of delays and bugs in the system. I couldn't have said it wasn't needed, but the maintenance in and of itself is delaying people.

"Yukinon! What do we do?" Yuigahama clung to Yukinoshita in a tight bear hug, as she smothered the 'Ice Queen'. Perhaps Yukinoshita was close to the liquid state? Certainly by the way Yukinoshita could barely breathe, that was an obvious sign of pressure.

Nonetheless, this was a bad scenario. I could scarcely think of what could be done, and what I occurred to me wasn't nice in the slightest. It certainly didn't help that Yuriga- Yuigayuri- Yuigahama was so… _attached_ to Yukinoshita. If the two weren't a catchy pair to begin with, how closely they clung to each other was certainly eye-catching.

"Yuigahama, if you would." Yukinoshita pushed lightly, but expended no more effort.

The so-called _Ice Queen_ sure wouldn't stay icy for long if she allowed this mere peasant to have touched her. Still, that wasn't my problem.

"We should find some place to stay for the night. It's past midnight, and finding a cab is going to be a pain with all the other people here." I suggested.

Yukinoshita pushed a little more before Yuigahama gave her the room she wanted. That was, if two more centimeters of space to struggle in was what Yukinoshita desired. Of course, not my problem. Why did you look at me for help?

"I believe taxis are available." Yukinoshita strained to look beyond Yuigahama's bob.

I glanced to the side, just as some bulky corporate slave shoved past me to get to the taxi corner.

"You mean that one that's being harassed by over twenty people? Not only would we have to wait for copious amounts of time out here as others get taxis, I also don't feel like staying up any longer. Let's find a hotel."

Oddly enough, both Yukinoshita and Yuigahama froze in their tracks and stared. Yukinoshita stopped resisting, Yuigahama halted her grip, and two pairs of eyes widened simultaneously. I wasn't very well acquainted with the sciences, but it was quite possible that this was bad.

"What?"

"Hikigaya-kun, I believe the same issue you brought up also applies to… any hotels in the area, as anyone who was delayed will also require a place to sleep. Additionally, taxis from around the city are going to flock around the stations because of all the available customers."

Yukinoshita beautifully rejected my proposal. But I wasn't done there. For the sake of my laziness, I could go even further.

"You're assuming that these people don't already own a permanent residence. We don't have to worry about managing money, but slaves in the working world do, and to waste anything is a tragedy for those already worked to the bone."

"There are always those that spend recklessly though-"

"But how many of those people would have the spare money on them to afford the hotel in this unexpected maintenance?"

Yukinoshita glared at me. I winced, expecting the retribution to be swift, strong, and painful.

"Fair enough."

What? I wasn't being shot down immediately? How courteous! Now I could have a few moments of life before I inevitably become sentenced to death.

"However…"

Of course.

"The next question is whether we have enough money to afford two rooms."

Damn, that was a good point.

"Why don't we just go find one and see?" I suggested.

"Yukinon, let's check one then! Maybe when we get back there'll be more taxis right?" Yuigahama said.

That wasn't a bad point actually. Not that I told Yuigahama that, because sooner or later she'd get overconfident. If Yuigahama got overconfident, she might try to cook again. For the greater good of the world, I had to do as much as I could to prevent that terror from becoming a reality.

"Let's get going then." I started off.

A few glances at the surrounding area would reveal a lot. For one, the gleaming sign that had the word "Hotel" in it was a dead giveaway that I _might_ want to head that way.

"That place, yeah?" I said, not bothering to look behind for confirmation.

"Hikigaya-kun."

I stopped and turned. The two caught up to me as Yukinoshita fingered her bag.

"How much money do you have on your person? Yuigahama-san, I would like to ask the same of you."

I dropped my bag to the ground and rummaged through it. Four, eight, twelve, sixteen, twenty, twenty-four, the number after twenty-four, one more than twenty-four 100 Yen coins? Only that much? I could have sworn I had had more. Perhaps money management wasn't a skill the loner levels. After all, without friends to spend money with, a loner would have no need to learn how to manage their gains. Or rather, it may have been my math skills at fault, or more specifically, the lack thereof.

"Twenty-five hundred Yen." I told them.

"Five hundred Yen. I must've spent too much on souvenirs!" Yuigahama laughed awkwardly. Did Yuigahama even have enough to get home?

I glanced at Yukinoshita, who frowned as she examined the inner workings of bag.

"Ten thousand." Yukinoshita declared.

Why in the world was she keeping ten thousand Yen in her bag? Had Yukinoshita wanted to buy a million gifts?

"I had been hoping to drop by a Pan-san store, but I suppose we may have enough for hotel rooms."

Bingo. Just that those 'gifts' might've all been for herself.

"Might? We have more than enough." I scoffed.

As the light changed, I stumbled across the street. It was around midnight, and we had walked most of the day. Yukinoshita had gotten to take breaks, but me on the other hand… I suffered from a lack of MAX coffee, the strength that powered my day.

I swung the door open, and took a few steps into the establishment. It was nice, well furnished, and the room well illuminated.

"H-h-hikki!"

"What?" I replied.

"Th-this is a…" Yuigahama's face was turning a peculiar shade of red. Stop that! If you keep going, anyone else might think you're embarrassed to be inside a hotel with them and then who knows where else their mind might go. But not me. A seasoned loner could forego these assumptions, and see deeper. It was probably just too cold in here. Why was the air conditioning cranked up this much anyway?

"L-l-l… this is a love hotel."

Oh.

 _Oh._

Well then.

"I fail to see the issue here." Yukinoshita said calmly as she pushed us away from the door. Did the Ice Queen just imply that she wanted to be at the love hotel? Any other sane high school male might've gotten excited. But not me. Yukinoshita obviously had other intentions.

"Y-Yukinon!"

"We only need to pay for two rooms, yes?" Yukinoshita explained.

Bingo. I was on a roll today, wasn't I?

"T-true." Yuigahama nodded fervently.

"Let's go, I need sleep." I groaned.

Yukinoshita, as the one with the most money, calmly strode up to the desk.

"Two separate rooms with a night's stay on each please." She said, as she plopped her money down on the table.

"I'm sorry… _miss_ , but a room is six thousand nine hundred and sixty-nine Yen each. In addition, I would like to mention that this _hotel_ is for those age sixteen plus." The middle-aged woman at the counter seemed a bit confused by Yukinoshita's age. Was it the Pan-san emblem emblazoned on her bag?

Even I could tell that we didn't have excess of fourteen thousand on us, and regardless of if we did, there were still the costs of getting home to worry about. In other words, we couldn't get two rooms here.

So I followed Yukinoshita's steps, and came to a stop beside her.

"In that case, I think…" Yukinoshita paused.

"We'll take one room." I cut in. I pushed the money that Yukinoshita was hesitantly about to take back and shoved it forward into the receptionist's hands.

"Hikigaya-kun."

"Hikki!"

Two voices cried out simultaneously as I took the keycard. Jeez, they were making it sound as if I'd done something horribly wrong. It was just a room.

"C'mon." I motioned towards the elevators. Yukinoshita and Yuigahama filed in cautiously, their money already spent.

"Hikigaya-kun, why exactly did you book _one_ room for the three of us?" Yukinoshita demanded the moment the elevator doors closed. A natural red haze adorned her cheeks.

"I can just sleep on the couch or in the bathroom or something. Just because we're in the same set of rooms doesn't mean we'll all be together-together." I explained.

"True." Yukinoshita bit her lip ever so slightly, but went silent.

"Plus it's more cost efficient right? Otherwise we'd have had to find another place or put up more money or walk more, and I don't want to walk anymore." I rambled on.

"You make it sounds like a good reason, but it's really just you being selfish isn't it?" Yuigahama complained.

Wow, she complained about me? I only had our- _my_ own intentions in mind, so I don't blame her.

With a _ding,_ the elevator doors swept open, and I stepped out. Room 605 should be somewhere near. 602, 604, 606? Huh. Could it be that for whatever reason room 605 was elsewhere? I stared into the space between room 604 and 606, and half expected it to appear there three quarters of the way between.

But a tug on my shoulder, and I turned to the actual room 605. The keycard swiped neatly through the sensor, and the door swung open on its own. We each took our first steps in the love hotel's room, with our shoes left by the door.

"Nice!" Yuigahama exclaimed.

I had to admit: it was rather 'nice'. A pale blue light softly brightened the spacious room, and the paintjob made one feel as if they were amongst the clouds. The light fluffy decorations and designs made this all the more prominent. Along with this, a large flat-screen television was set into the wall, with boards that presumably could be used to cover up the screen. A single queen-sized bed was neatly centered in the room which also followed the same colour scheme and designs. It was… a nice theme, I had to admit.

"I'll take a shower first." Yukinoshita announced.

"'Kay." Yuigahama nodded.

"Please keep Hikigaya-kun from entering the bathroom. I shudder to think what may happen if he were to peep." Yukinoshita showed a slight smile as she teased.

"Oi, you're making it sound like I'm a pervert."

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't complement you next time. As someone whose social status falls far below that of a simple pervert, I shouldn't have mentioned it."

Stop pretending that you were thinking of what's best for me in that considerate tone. In the end, there really was no winning against Yukinoshita. The door slammed shut, and the audible click of the lock resounded through the mellow room.

"I got it Yukinon!" Yuigahama saluted. What was this, a tank battle? Besides, Yukinoshita had already closed the door. Could she even have heard you through the walls? I stood stock-still as Yuigahama dragged me onto the bed.

"Hikki, can you look over my book report!" Yuigahama whispered.

"Then why didn't you get Yukinoshita to do it?"

To work is to lose after all. To work for other people is still losing out.

"I asked Yukinon last time!" Yuigahama protested.

"So why not again?"

"A-hah, well, I didn't want to bother her." Yuigahama muttered.

"So you're fine with bothering me?" I asked. Yuigahama's eyes grew wide again. When did her cheeks get so red? It stood out against the blue lighting. Perhaps it was that she was 'on a bed with a member of the opposite sex'. Or was it regret that I'd caught her out on considering _my_ time less valuable than Yukinoshita's.

"N-n-no!" Yuigahama stammered.

"Then why?"

"I-I-I just… fine, I'll do it on my own." Yuigahama turned away and took out her assignment to work on _alone_.

That was fine by me. So why was it that I found myself taking a look at her work?

"That's wrong." I pointed out.

"Oh, thanks." Yuigahama turned her head and ended up with her face just mere centimeters away from mine.

Silence.

Neither of us said a word.

I stared into her dark irises, and for a few moments, neither of us moved.

This was a scene right out of a novel, wasn't it? Why didn't Yuigahama move?

"Sorry." I muttered as I backed off a bit. I moved to the side, out of her personal space.

"I-it's fine, thanks for helping." Yuigahama grabbed at her pencil and went back to her work.

A few thoughts went through my head. Yuigahama _was_ a nice girl; she liked to help others and tried to stay in everyone's good books. Maybe I did owe her from all the things I've done. Even if it went against my creed, I suppose I should at least ask.

"Ahem, ah, need any help?" I coughed.

"Sure!" Yuigahama handed me her report, all… two pages of it, along with the pencil.

"I'll check it over I guess." I went to work. I found flaw after flaw, grammatical error after grammatical error. It was a good thing this was only the _first_ draft, not the _assumed_ 'good' copy, or I would have seriously worried about Yuigahama's future.

"Thanks Hikki."

"No problem." I mumbled.

"Now, here's the problem with your report…"

It seemed like the editing process took forever, because by the time I'd gone over every flaw with a fine tooth comb, Yukinoshita had already finished her shower.

The Ice Queen emerged in all her not-so-frozen glory, already dressed and fresh as the sun's rise at dawn. Yukinoshita's damp hair cascaded down her thin top, her regular ribbons absent. Did they not have a hair dryer?

"Yuigahama-san, the bathroom is open." Yukinoshita announced.

"Thanks Yukinon!" Yuigahama sprang up from the bed, ready to stop working.

Hey hey hey, where did that 'help me with the report' go? Were you that fed up with it? The writer of the book must have turned in his grave from your disinterest. Was a shower that important?

Yukinoshita ignored me and went to her bags to get out a laptop. She plugged in her earphones and started it up. Of course, a _lesser_ being like me was completely forgotten.

To add onto that, I lacked any form of entertainment. I'd finished the one book that I'd brought the previous night, so I had nothing. Except… the television. The remote was placed neatly in the cubbyhole that housed the television, so I nabbed it. I nearly knocked over a pile of DVD's beside it.

I had every tool necessary to activate the television.

A single click and I would regret everything.

A single switch and I would fall.

It was only too tragic that I pressed that one button anyway.

The "ON" button.

The television flashed on. Its light shone in the dim room.

It was… something…

A… woman draped her body around…

She held…

She…

"Hikigaya-kun." Yukinoshita grabbed the remote away from me, having left her seat at some point to turn off the program.

"I-it was-"

" _Please_ refrain from such actions while Yuigahama or I are in the same building as you." Yukinoshita smiled coldly.

"It was the first thing that-"

"And you could have turned it off. Yet you hesitated long enough for it to distract me from _my_ video. Are you truly a pervert? I fear for my chastity being in the same room as you. Need I call the police?"

"I wouldn't-"

"Yes, I am fully aware that you lack the bravery to break the law. It's the only thing that keeps you out of police custody." Yukinoshita smiled down at me.

"The day I do is the day humanity suffers. I've got more than enough pent-up frustration to dole out to all six billion people in the world." I jested.

"Over seven and counting." Yukinoshita corrected.

"That extra billion won't make much of a difference, yeah?"

"Ignoring the people you don't know, isn't there _someone_ you're forgetting to talk to?" Yukinoshita pointed to my phone.

Shit.

Komachi would not be happy to know her older brother hadn't come home and was instead in a hotel with two females.

"I… should probably call her shouldn't I."

Yukinoshita merely raised an eyebrow to this before going back to her laptop.

"I'll go do that." I excused myself to the far end of the room.

…

"And then I called you." I tell Komachi.

Over the course of the story, I watch Komachi's face turn from dark _rouge_ to a confused pale shadow of grey then back to her regular shade. It's a peculiar thing to see.

"A-anything else?" Komachi asks hesitantly.

"Not really, I took a shower after and went to sleep on a chair in the bathroom." I reply slowly.

"And in the morning?" Komachi demands.

Jeez, what was this desire for my schedule? Did Komachi need to know if I'd eaten a proper breakfast? Probably not?

"I woke up too early so Yukinoshita made me go back to sleep 'else I wouldn't have had enough sleep. Later on we packed our stuff, checked out, and went to the station. Then I came here." I say in monotone.

"So you're saying that…" Komachi begins slowly.

"You're saying that you spent the night with Yukinoshita-chan and Yuigahama-chan in the same hotel with the perfect event flag, but you didn't get any progress?" Komachi rants, speeding up her words to nearly intolerable speeds.

"… Yes?" I try, not sure what exactly to say.

"Onii-chan, I'm sorry but I've lost all faith." Komachi storms out of the room, leaving me to stare in her wake.

"…What?"

I slump back on the couch, sighing. Alone again. Perhaps it's something I'm destined for, something in my fate, an inevitable reality of life.

Perhaps it's not. I'm still young; years of my life have yet to play out. I may never know if that will change, or when that may be. On the flip side, it might never. I may continue through this life, graduating, getting a job, becoming a corporate slave and never creating a true relationship. For all it's worth, there's a strong chance that when I grow older, I _will_ be truly alone. Komachi will be with her family, my parents won't talk to me except to tell me to hurry up and get married, and _friends_? They may not exist at that point.

Still, having no relationships is better than a truckload of _fake_ illusions.

So in the end, it returns to one thing.

Perhaps I do treasure the… acquaintances I have now. The people who know me for who I am, and remain in contact all the same. It's a wonderful thing, but how long can it last?

Months? Years? All good things come to an end eventually. When will the Service Club and its associates break away to go their separate ways? What was the chance any of us would go to the same university?

Who knows, maybe one day years from now I'll look back at these simple times fondly.

 **Okay so here's the apology:**

 **I AM SORRY THIS IS SO TRASH.**

 **Then again, I call everything I write trash.**

 **I haven't really read it over, but I get the feeling every character is out of character.**

 **That's probably a bad feeling.**

 **On another note, I had to do research on love hotels for this, and not everything I have in this fanfiction may be accurate.**


End file.
